That’s right Kats and Kittens, another Independence Day extravaganza has passed us by. The conceptual Birthday of the United States of America, the Fourth of July is today a day of days when we celebrate, either with historic comprehension or ignorance, 239 years of a Nation’s progression beginning with the British colonies calling out King George on his unjust taxation, controlling oversight, and constrictions on the commerce and trade sought by the colonists, culminating in the creation of that fine historical document: the Declaration of Independence.
Now quite a lot has gone down in all that time…. 13 colonies became states and then multiplied into the now 50 stars on our iconic flag, not to mention at least six US Protectorates that include Guam, American Samoa and Puerto Rico, but no longer include Cuba or the Philippines. The Articles of Confederation became the United States Constitution and the Original 10 Amendments that make up our Bill of Rights have added such civil additions as the 13th Amendment ratified in 1865, that abolished slavery and involuntary servitude. Quickly followed by the 14th that granted citizenship, if of a 2nd-class nature, to all former slaves, though Jim Crow status remained in the diners, employment office and voter registrars – the 15th Amendment did grant voting rights to all Men no matter what their race or color… unless that is, they were descendants of the original peoples of the continent.
A mere 50 years later, radically pretentious women finally made such an undeniable ruckus that they too were granted the right to vote through the ratification of the 19th Amendment in 1920. And 4 years later an Act was signed by congress that granted all Native Americans citizenship as well as long as they were born on and after the effective date of the Indian Citizen Act, however citizenship was also acknowledged as long they renounced all ties to tribal governance and left the simplicity of their cultural heritage to don the short hair, itchy woolens and blistering shoes imposed upon the kidnapped natives forced to attend boarding schools. Still, many natives, like their counterparts descended from slaves or immigrated from African or Caribbean landscapes struggled to convince registrars to understand the law up until the mid 1950s and hopefully actually ended soon after Lyndon B. Johnson passed the Voting Rights Act of 1965. … hopefully… I mean, today, if you want to cast a vote in the continental United States, you just need have a serial number known today as a Social Security or Social Insurance Number, and a known residence, proven by way of a utility bill you pay. Of course you lose this right if you lose or can’t prove your residence, if you are found guilty of a federal crime – no matter how meager or unjust – if you aren’t listed at the polling place you are supposed to vote from, if a voting place is not provided for your community, if your name is the same as a deceased voter or a registered voter that has been convicted of a felony…. But vote, it really makes a difference… especially in the presidential election because that’s decided by the Electoral College regardless of the popular will.
Pretty exciting when in 1803 the US Government bought 828,000 square miles of land claimed by France in a smoking deal that came out to about 3 cents per acre. The Louisiana Purchase acquisition nearly doubled the land under political control of the 21 year-old Nation and launched the expedition of Lewis and Clark. That famous trek helped to inform much of the indigenous population of the new ownership of the land, promising peace and prosperity to every tribe -that rescinds any and all negotiations previously made and puts no real confidence in all negotiations forever to come. It also must’ve began some kind of mad hunger for more because the rest of the Continental US as it exists today was won through bloodily negotiated European treaties and cessations in another short 50 year period.
Our great nation was at some shining moment in the historical record commended with having the best education, the best healthcare and the mightiest military. A lot has changed, but at least we still have the mightiest military: black budgets, secret programs, DUMBases – the good ol’American Arms Industry stocking us up with the latest technology and selling last year’s obsolete weapons of war to both sides of civil disputes around the globe, increasing good ol’ multinational profits that remain free of taxation as well as lending a hand to multiple national GDPs. Implementing living-wage employment to contracted workers hired to slyly re-appropriate foreign resources and rebuild the despotism created by endless war declared on a shadow enemy pinned to pesky Democracies that think they can show up our claim to be.
Once we had a President who sewed his own clothes, could ballroom dance beautifully and had a complex and vigorous business all at the age of 12-years-old. Today’s American 12-year-olds are allocated to public school stockades, where they face the inevitable lottery of being herded into a room either with an intelligent, compassionate and imaginative guide, or one who resents not being paid enough for unaccounted hours of creating lesson plans that need to be recreated every three years as the national standards for acceptable comprehension change as well as the nightly task of checking homework and grading essays and could give a flying fuck if you appear to be listening, because everybody enjoys learning from a heartless prick who takes their job far too seriously for not doing it well at all – or because you’ve learned to aim you petrified face toward the front of the room with that particular gaze because you have taken it upon yourself to believe wholeheartedly that if Medusa already thinks you’ve turned to stone she won’t even look at you.
If their lucky, our Nation’s patriotic youth will have a parent who can spare a few scant moments to prep a nutritious organic, non-GMO selection and get it packed up for lunch before hustling them off to walk, bike, ride the bus, or car-pool with mom to the daily institutionalization. If their lucky, the lunchroom bullies – aggressive and irate with their lunchtime sugar-crash fatigue driven by the frosted flakes or their generic counterparts they demand for breakfast – won’t even recognize the delicious nature of our foodie child’s Rawmeal-cranberry-apricot smoothie; tamari seasoned sunflower seeds or nori seaweed snacks. If their lucky, the utter alien appearance of such a lunch and complete lack of a high-fructose filled beverages won’t attract said bullies to the obvious target of someone so differently cared for that a veritable cafeteria war will be sparked as malnourished children across the fluorescent-lit room simultaneously receive the cue that they are members of the greater mass and victory will surely be won.
Ah but our American youngsters are in this way learning the intricacies of our acceptable homogenous behaviors. Soon, beginning as early as kindergarten, in schools across our great country, little tykes will be glued to ipad screens, not because they forgot to wipe the Elmer’s off their sensitive little digits, but because they will finally understand the fascination of the touchscreen world they have hitherto been denied, while their parents, despite working 2 and 3 jobs respectively, still cannot afford the new-age little gadgets and the monthly tithes necessary to keep it connected to the cyber universe. Ah who am I kidding, we all know the only schools that will be able to afford a contract with Apple — I mean, “eligible to supply such necessary tools for the economic advancement of the Nation’s best and brightest,” will of course be designated by the standardized testing of the best and brightest, thereby assuring that such technology is not wasted on the failing students of our most over-crowded, under-funded, and forgotten drop-out factories.
The exciting days when we burned the witches of the woodland towns of the East have returned in our struggles to end the absurdity of natural birth and birth control proselytized by the primitive cult of midwifery; to patent every wild root, bark, leaf, fruit and seed not yet extinct in order that the so-called ‘naturopaths’ fade into woodland mythology like Bigfoot and Yeti, that the true developers of the medical industry reap their self-regulated and Free-Trade ordained profits by laboratory recreated chemical compounds completely foreign to our inherent biology that was once kept healthy by chewing on identifiable herbs and fruits provided freely by the savagery of shared knowledge and the treacherous denial of personal, corporate, and national ownership.
We’ve nearly destroyed the now over 100 year headache of the union-backed labor movement, and will be celebrating the final end to the ludicrous, civilian-led War against our imperial right to dictate wage enslavement upon each and every American ghetto and rural village… I mean of course the complete and utter, “Freedom of every Red-blooded and red–necked American from the tyranny of welfare assistance such as food stamps and social security.”
Corporate Industrial Persons shall once again be the sole proprietors of government sanctioned annuity, for the well fare of all the poor monopolies and oligarchies that have created the insanely inefficient, corrupt and environmentally destructive businesses on which the blissfully apathetic, perverted, and dysfunctional consumers of today thrive.
Well, that’s quite labyrinthine, if still an unacceptably brief, cannon of our Great Nation’s history.
If you’re reading this you’re well on your way now,
It’s fun to be independent, but you have to know HOW.
I know it seems bleak beneath every possible addiction,
But we shine with a message, satirical, NOT Fiction!
This team called the Outer Limits Radio Show,
Will help you decipher the gold from the glow.
For candidates are coming, their campaigns artificially designed to seem yummy.
But why be forced to choose, between Thing One or Thing Two,
When both play to the tunes of the lobbyist’s croons,
While spewing bluffs to crowds, paid to swoon?
Alexandria Rain Smith is a host, producer and Senior Editor for the Outer Limits Radio Show
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